M(Mark) and I continued to stay in touch and we would end up meeting up once a week. Once a week only because he got a job and became really busy. After I had it for the first time, my body wanted it more. Honestly I would nag him for sex, asking him when we would be able to meet up again. Especially having sex on my period. It was an amazing experience. All you really need is a towel to keep things under control. Anyways he didn't mind the attention. He was excited by the fact that I was so open in asking him for sex. I realized that I have always been very sensual and open to sexual desires. I started young so I knew how to satisfied myself and what would satisfied by body.
In between our meetings I started to hook up, as in doing everything but sex, with another boy. We will call him B(Bob). He is a white boy who at the time is 25. A few years older than Mark. Mark was in his early twenties. Bob really came out of no where and hooking up with him was unexpected but expected. Expected in that when I walked into his house I knew something was going to happen. It was very awkward but once it came down to it, it was more like human nature. When your attracted to someone things happen easier and to continue is easy.
After we hooked up he would avoid me like the plague. There was no reaching out trying to be friends. Even though I have talked to him about being friends and how we should stay in touch. Agreeing to something verbally is very different from agreeing to something and actually physically doing it. I knew I was not getting attached to Bob because Mark was the one that I felt strongly for. But then again Bob did have a place in my heart. The way he talked about himself made me in a sense sympathize with him. He told me how he used Craigslist for hook up and I was surprised for a few things. One being he was attractive and two I was surprised he had such a low self-esteem. I thought that he was able to get the ladies without much difficulty and then from his appearance I thought he felt good about himself. Not everything is as it seems I suppose.
B and I messed around a few times and he was the one that introduced me to something that I believe everyone should try and I stand behind this 100%. What I'm talking about is getting it from the back. No I'm not talking about Doggy style but rather up the butt. Now I'm not saying go all out and let him stick his penis right up in there. But I'm talking about baby steps! Start off small. For my it came to me as a surprise. We were making out and next thing I knew his finger was up my butt. I told him to stop but he told me to relax. In which I did and the feeling that I got from him doing that was amazing. There was just so much pleasure because that area is very sensitive.
Bob and I hooked up a few more times and once we did it in an office. Well it was more like a cubical. Looking back on this I must have been out of my mind because if I was to get caught I would have been kicked out and he probably would have been too. It was indeed very risky. Currently being in Europe me and B have actually talked. I wonder if hes changed much, you know become more confidant. I guess I will find out when I return. But shortly after I return he will be leaving and going back home.
Moving on to the next guy I had relations with. Me and Adam had sex twice. He fit the Asian stereotype but he was a very nice guy. He was very chill but having sex with him was just not satisfying at all. And every time he would text me I knew it was for sex and because of that I turned him down. I don't know if he got the point but he is very talented when it comes to being creative and photography. He also knew how to drive stick shift and I realized that I met him before when I was in high school at a track meet and I said to myself and my friends: "Oh, he is cute..." Funny how things change and I slept with him and actually got to know him in a sense.
Joel he was interesting. I mean they all are and maybe my diction is just limited. He was a tall built black male. Through time I realized I tend to be usually attracted to males who have a athletic physic. I mean who doesnt like a little abs or nice arms or the "V." If you don't know what the "V" is then let me take some time to explain. The "V" is the usually seen when a male's abdominal region tight and muscular and the "V" forms around their lower abs around the lower waist. You will know the "V" when you see it and it is delicious. Anyways Joel was tall and built and had a low voice. When we had sex he was not afraid to compliment me. It's nice and definitely a huge self-esteem boost when the guy who is pleasing also tells you how sexy you are, how hot you are and how beautiful you are. He was very let me please you which I did not mind. But I never truly felt comfortable with him. Especially after one incidence when the condom popped and I thought I was pregnant. When I told him he basically told me deuces your by yourself. So I got a test and it was negative. After that we obviously stop having sex. I come to realize that with him sex was a learning experience for the both of us. On the same note he didn't want to be my friend either. I hate losing friends. As I'm writing this I'm wondering how hes doing and if I'll see him when I get back. Hmm...maybe not. Moving on...
At this point after the whole pregnancy scare I had to do some soul searching and truly figure out what I wanted in life. I knew I like sex but I didnt like feeling I was being used for sex. So after confessing to some close friends and hearing what they have to say and listening to their advice I realized that I was going to stop having sex. It was going to be hard and a slow transition. Through what I was doing I had a checklist of the different races of males I would sleep with. I have every race except White and Brown/Indian and this remains true today. The reason why I saw its a slow transition because my mind was half on board while my body, well my pussy, was not on board at all. The progress to change did not happen until I met H.
But before we get to that story with Harry. There was Lewis.
jeudi 5 mai 2011
mercredi 13 avril 2011
Red
Days passed by and the weather was getting hotter. Mark and I would be in touch through texting and Facebook. We continued to express our sexual, physical attraction for one another and there were times when we would graze upon intellectual topics. Thinking back on that I really liked how intimate we were but I was slowly getting attached and I knew that it would hurt me in the end. If I took what we were doing as more then what it was, just physical attraction. But I pushed those thoughts aside and I tried to live in the moment. Because it was easier that way and way more fun. He told me "We could just have fun." That sentence could be taken in so many different ways.
Nevertheless, we arranged another time and date in which we could meet. However, leading up to the next "appointment" we started to talk about sex and from the get go he knew that I was a virgin. Boys are generally simple and do not plan ahead. So I cant say it was his plan all along to take my virginity but rather he just wanted to have fun.
I thought long and hard, for a week, about the idea of losing my virginity to him. I concluded that my virginity was something that I really didnt think was important or something that, if lost, was not that serious of a matter.
So the day came and I was nervous inside. He just made me nervous. He was always so relaxed and collected. When I entered his room he motioned for me to come over to this bed. His soft comfy futon bed low to the ground. Like a shy little girl I slowly moved my way over to him and sat down beside him. Mark did not waste anytime for next thing I knew we were kissing me. He never kissed with this tongue. I didnt know if it was because he had a tongue ring or because he didnt like too and I never remembered to ask. Those kisses were like little burst of pleasure and passion. He smoked so he had a smoker's breath, which I got used too and it never really bothered me. No, it was not like kissing an ashtray. Kissing led to touching and touching led to clothing being removed.
Then he went down and started doing what I loved. He knew my body well already and I was surprised when he told me what I liked what my body did when he did something I liked. He also told me what he had to do to eat me out right. It might seem as if I am putting him on a pedestal. And maybe I was doing in fact just that but at the same time this was a new feeling and since then emotion has not reoccurred.
Anyways moving away from the sentimental moments I remember him getting off of me and rummaging through his draws to draw out a condom. The box said for his and her pleasure and I couldnt help but feel touched. So he looked at me with glassy/dreamy eyes the type of look when you let pleasure takes over and he proceed to slip on the condom.
Then he lays down and tell me to get on top because it would be easier. So I oblige and I guide him into me.
It hurt like a bitch...and as I am recalling this and documenting that moment I cant help but laugh. How I complained and said I couldnt continue sorta in a Luan type voice.
Eventually I got the hang of things and realized what I have been missing. He isnt sweet, he keeps it real and tells me of course its going to hurt. Hes not serious either. Its hard to describe him. But I know that he doesnt upset me and at that moment I'm having fun.
Later when its all over he tells me how I made a mess and got my blood all over his thigh. This makes me laugh. He always knew how to easy the tension. I guess thats what happens when he acts likes a clown and calls you Sallerina.
He invites me to go to the store with this friend whom all this time was downstairs. I decline and I tell him I'm going to rest and take a nap.He leaves for a while and with the time I have I lay there and I start to think and recap everything that happened, how I felt. I'm overwhelmed and I had to tell someone. So I call my friend a kid that I used to have a thing with. I guess I call him because I told him earlier about my plans. Also possibly to make him jealous and make him feel like he lost something. Or to make myself feel better. To boost my own self esteem. There were many different reasons as to why I chose to call him.
Mark comes back a few hours later or so it seemed. Time was moving slow that day. Maybe it was because of the heat or because of my nerves. I hear him enter and I pretend I am asleep. I dont know if he knows that I am but he comes and spoons me and its nice and relaxing and I feel complete and satisfied and whole. I know that its temporary. We lay like that for a little bit and eventually he has to leave and I remember him telling me this earlier. But I could not help but feel a little abandon. He suggest that we do this again and I agree.
It ends with me leaving after having some tea. As I am about to leave his house trying hard to put on a cold demeanor, one of nonchalance. He says "give me a kiss" and sees me out the door.
Then I think to myself why did he have to do that. So I guess one can say I was under his influence. But not completely.
As I am driving home and wondering how the hell am I going to tell my best friends this. The events of the day continue to play in my head. Over and over.
In the future we would become friends with benefits. Well sorta.
Nevertheless, we arranged another time and date in which we could meet. However, leading up to the next "appointment" we started to talk about sex and from the get go he knew that I was a virgin. Boys are generally simple and do not plan ahead. So I cant say it was his plan all along to take my virginity but rather he just wanted to have fun.
I thought long and hard, for a week, about the idea of losing my virginity to him. I concluded that my virginity was something that I really didnt think was important or something that, if lost, was not that serious of a matter.
So the day came and I was nervous inside. He just made me nervous. He was always so relaxed and collected. When I entered his room he motioned for me to come over to this bed. His soft comfy futon bed low to the ground. Like a shy little girl I slowly moved my way over to him and sat down beside him. Mark did not waste anytime for next thing I knew we were kissing me. He never kissed with this tongue. I didnt know if it was because he had a tongue ring or because he didnt like too and I never remembered to ask. Those kisses were like little burst of pleasure and passion. He smoked so he had a smoker's breath, which I got used too and it never really bothered me. No, it was not like kissing an ashtray. Kissing led to touching and touching led to clothing being removed.
Then he went down and started doing what I loved. He knew my body well already and I was surprised when he told me what I liked what my body did when he did something I liked. He also told me what he had to do to eat me out right. It might seem as if I am putting him on a pedestal. And maybe I was doing in fact just that but at the same time this was a new feeling and since then emotion has not reoccurred.
Anyways moving away from the sentimental moments I remember him getting off of me and rummaging through his draws to draw out a condom. The box said for his and her pleasure and I couldnt help but feel touched. So he looked at me with glassy/dreamy eyes the type of look when you let pleasure takes over and he proceed to slip on the condom.
Then he lays down and tell me to get on top because it would be easier. So I oblige and I guide him into me.
It hurt like a bitch...and as I am recalling this and documenting that moment I cant help but laugh. How I complained and said I couldnt continue sorta in a Luan type voice.
Eventually I got the hang of things and realized what I have been missing. He isnt sweet, he keeps it real and tells me of course its going to hurt. Hes not serious either. Its hard to describe him. But I know that he doesnt upset me and at that moment I'm having fun.
Later when its all over he tells me how I made a mess and got my blood all over his thigh. This makes me laugh. He always knew how to easy the tension. I guess thats what happens when he acts likes a clown and calls you Sallerina.
He invites me to go to the store with this friend whom all this time was downstairs. I decline and I tell him I'm going to rest and take a nap.He leaves for a while and with the time I have I lay there and I start to think and recap everything that happened, how I felt. I'm overwhelmed and I had to tell someone. So I call my friend a kid that I used to have a thing with. I guess I call him because I told him earlier about my plans. Also possibly to make him jealous and make him feel like he lost something. Or to make myself feel better. To boost my own self esteem. There were many different reasons as to why I chose to call him.
Mark comes back a few hours later or so it seemed. Time was moving slow that day. Maybe it was because of the heat or because of my nerves. I hear him enter and I pretend I am asleep. I dont know if he knows that I am but he comes and spoons me and its nice and relaxing and I feel complete and satisfied and whole. I know that its temporary. We lay like that for a little bit and eventually he has to leave and I remember him telling me this earlier. But I could not help but feel a little abandon. He suggest that we do this again and I agree.
It ends with me leaving after having some tea. As I am about to leave his house trying hard to put on a cold demeanor, one of nonchalance. He says "give me a kiss" and sees me out the door.
Then I think to myself why did he have to do that. So I guess one can say I was under his influence. But not completely.
As I am driving home and wondering how the hell am I going to tell my best friends this. The events of the day continue to play in my head. Over and over.
In the future we would become friends with benefits. Well sorta.
mardi 12 avril 2011
Anticipation
A good place to start would be the story of when I lost my virginity. I lost it to a boy whom I knew for a year sorta, he was gone for a whole semester. We kept in touch some what when he was in London. This happened over the summer of 2010.
But before I get into that story I need to give some background information. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 9 or 10 months and shortly after started to mess around with different boys.
One day after changing my Facebook status from "in a relationship" to "single" I got a Fb message from the guy, lets call him Mark, the guy whom I would lose my virginity too. In the message he invited me to hang out and to come over. Maybe I was naive or just giving the idea the benefit of a doubt because I honestly did not believe that anything would happen.
We set a date and I actually give him a ride home the day we were going to hang out. Now this made things less awkward and I felt more comfortable.
Inside his house its HOT as hell because the house does not have AC so while I'm sitting there on the black futon I am sweating! He offers me some tea. Reason being he came back to the states with a semi new habit of drinking tea with milk and rolling his own cigarettes. I honestly thought that it was cute like how all girls think some things boys do are cute. Even though apparently they don't like to be called cute. Anyways I also thought it refined him.
Back to the moment we were sitting there and watching futbol aka soccer and we were play fighting something that we always do in the presence of each other something that was flirty, innocent and filled with sexual tension. Looking back I not the type of girl to back down and it was always a lot of fun and I knew he never meant to really hurt me. But due to the weather it got to hot and it was time for him to smoke a cig. So we move to the smoke room aka the sex room. The room where he smoked so that the smoke would not fill the rest of the floor. Mark and I just popped a squat on the floor and tried our best to stay cool. It was very relaxing talking to life with a guy that I was attracted to someone that I had some feelings for. Enjoying the attention that he was giving me. Being naive to his plan.
Somehow in the mist of things he offered to give me a massage and I never turned down a massage and the massage that he gave me left so right! That massage is up there with the other top massages I have received. He was not shy and everything got touched. The pressure he applied was just right and he hit all the right spots. Looking back I wonder why I stopped fucking him.
After the massage I offered to give him one back and that somehow ended up in a tickling fest. Which lead us back onto the futon but this time the futon was made into a bed and we laid there breathing hard and laughing. Eventually fatigued was washing over me and I started to drift off and it was nice to have someone laying there with me. But not long after we moved back into the smoke room and we started an interesting conversation about our past relationships, our sex life (mine being nonexistent), and the topic of eating the box. Now the stereotype is that Spanish/Latinos/Hispanics/Mexicans generally find pleasure in eating the box. Which he confirmed. He went on to talk about how he like to eat a girl out and what the girls liked and obviously the whole time I had to make sure my legs were closed if you know what I'm getting at. Then he asked me if anyone ever ate me out and if it was good. So I thought about it before I answered him and told him that my ex did it well once but generally all the other times it was disappointing. He was surprised and then he got this look in his eyes as if he was on a mission. At the back of my head I knew he was going to ask the question and I was right and he did ask. He offered to eat me out because he would do me right. Now I was very tempted.
But I said no because I didnt trust myself and because my period had just ended but you know when you still wear a pad to be safe. Well I had a pad on.
Now Mark is a thick head guy like most of them and he does not back down from a challenge. So he took action in his own hands and he picked me up bridal style. I was surprised he was able to do that. He was making his way to his room and right before we went through the threshold which now I believe is symbolic. He said:
Sally kiss me.
So at that point I could have done two things one kiss him and pass through the threshold or fight him and tell him to put me down.
But from the title of this you know which one I picked.
I kissed him and it was all over from there. He laid me down on his bed which was not really a bed but rather one of those futon mats that you put on top of your mattress. Surprisingly it was really comfortable.
So I'm laying there and he goes down and my shorts start to come off and then my panties.
Next thing you know hes doing work and honestly it was amazing. That moment was amazing maybe because I felt comfortable with him and I was relaxed and I did not give a shit. I loved the attention my body got and the attention my spiritual being got.
Maybe that is the reason for which I was never able to let that moment go.
Everything that is good has to come to an end like Momma said.
So it got late and I had a date with my cousin for dinner. I told him that I needed to go and he would not let me go. He physically was holding me down so I would stay and saying "I'm not going to let you go." "Don't go." And in my being I did not want to go. Because I was having fun and I didnt want the moment to end.
He was never the forceful type. He went with the flow often. But when he wasn't high or drunk he made a lot of sense and he had ambitions.
Eventually I would lose my virginity to him.
But before I get into that story I need to give some background information. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 9 or 10 months and shortly after started to mess around with different boys.
One day after changing my Facebook status from "in a relationship" to "single" I got a Fb message from the guy, lets call him Mark, the guy whom I would lose my virginity too. In the message he invited me to hang out and to come over. Maybe I was naive or just giving the idea the benefit of a doubt because I honestly did not believe that anything would happen.
We set a date and I actually give him a ride home the day we were going to hang out. Now this made things less awkward and I felt more comfortable.
Inside his house its HOT as hell because the house does not have AC so while I'm sitting there on the black futon I am sweating! He offers me some tea. Reason being he came back to the states with a semi new habit of drinking tea with milk and rolling his own cigarettes. I honestly thought that it was cute like how all girls think some things boys do are cute. Even though apparently they don't like to be called cute. Anyways I also thought it refined him.
Back to the moment we were sitting there and watching futbol aka soccer and we were play fighting something that we always do in the presence of each other something that was flirty, innocent and filled with sexual tension. Looking back I not the type of girl to back down and it was always a lot of fun and I knew he never meant to really hurt me. But due to the weather it got to hot and it was time for him to smoke a cig. So we move to the smoke room aka the sex room. The room where he smoked so that the smoke would not fill the rest of the floor. Mark and I just popped a squat on the floor and tried our best to stay cool. It was very relaxing talking to life with a guy that I was attracted to someone that I had some feelings for. Enjoying the attention that he was giving me. Being naive to his plan.
Somehow in the mist of things he offered to give me a massage and I never turned down a massage and the massage that he gave me left so right! That massage is up there with the other top massages I have received. He was not shy and everything got touched. The pressure he applied was just right and he hit all the right spots. Looking back I wonder why I stopped fucking him.
After the massage I offered to give him one back and that somehow ended up in a tickling fest. Which lead us back onto the futon but this time the futon was made into a bed and we laid there breathing hard and laughing. Eventually fatigued was washing over me and I started to drift off and it was nice to have someone laying there with me. But not long after we moved back into the smoke room and we started an interesting conversation about our past relationships, our sex life (mine being nonexistent), and the topic of eating the box. Now the stereotype is that Spanish/Latinos/Hispanics/Mexicans generally find pleasure in eating the box. Which he confirmed. He went on to talk about how he like to eat a girl out and what the girls liked and obviously the whole time I had to make sure my legs were closed if you know what I'm getting at. Then he asked me if anyone ever ate me out and if it was good. So I thought about it before I answered him and told him that my ex did it well once but generally all the other times it was disappointing. He was surprised and then he got this look in his eyes as if he was on a mission. At the back of my head I knew he was going to ask the question and I was right and he did ask. He offered to eat me out because he would do me right. Now I was very tempted.
But I said no because I didnt trust myself and because my period had just ended but you know when you still wear a pad to be safe. Well I had a pad on.
Now Mark is a thick head guy like most of them and he does not back down from a challenge. So he took action in his own hands and he picked me up bridal style. I was surprised he was able to do that. He was making his way to his room and right before we went through the threshold which now I believe is symbolic. He said:
Sally kiss me.
So at that point I could have done two things one kiss him and pass through the threshold or fight him and tell him to put me down.
But from the title of this you know which one I picked.
I kissed him and it was all over from there. He laid me down on his bed which was not really a bed but rather one of those futon mats that you put on top of your mattress. Surprisingly it was really comfortable.
So I'm laying there and he goes down and my shorts start to come off and then my panties.
Next thing you know hes doing work and honestly it was amazing. That moment was amazing maybe because I felt comfortable with him and I was relaxed and I did not give a shit. I loved the attention my body got and the attention my spiritual being got.
Maybe that is the reason for which I was never able to let that moment go.
Everything that is good has to come to an end like Momma said.
So it got late and I had a date with my cousin for dinner. I told him that I needed to go and he would not let me go. He physically was holding me down so I would stay and saying "I'm not going to let you go." "Don't go." And in my being I did not want to go. Because I was having fun and I didnt want the moment to end.
He was never the forceful type. He went with the flow often. But when he wasn't high or drunk he made a lot of sense and he had ambitions.
Eventually I would lose my virginity to him.
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