Red

Days passed by and the weather was getting hotter. Mark and I would be in touch through texting and Facebook. We continued to express our sexual, physical attraction for one another and there were times when we would graze upon intellectual topics. Thinking back on that I really liked how intimate we were but I was slowly getting attached and I knew that it would hurt me in the end. If I took what we were doing as more then what it was, just physical attraction. But I pushed those thoughts aside and I tried to live in the moment. Because it was easier that way and way more fun. He told me "We could just have fun." That sentence could be taken in so many different ways.

Nevertheless, we arranged another time and date in which we could meet. However, leading up to the next "appointment" we started to talk about sex and from the get go he knew that I was a virgin. Boys are generally simple and do not plan ahead. So I cant say it was his plan all along to take my virginity but rather he just wanted to have fun.

I thought long and hard, for a week, about the idea of losing my virginity to him. I concluded that my virginity was something that I really didnt think was important or something that, if lost, was not that serious of a matter.

So the day came and I was nervous inside. He just made me nervous. He was always so relaxed and collected. When I entered his room he motioned for me to come over to this bed. His soft comfy futon bed low to the ground. Like a shy little girl I slowly moved my way over to him and sat down beside him. Mark did not waste anytime for next thing I knew we were kissing me. He never kissed with this tongue. I didnt know if it was because he had a tongue ring or because he didnt like too and I never remembered to ask. Those kisses were like little burst of pleasure and passion. He smoked so he had a smoker's breath, which I got used too and it never really bothered me. No, it was not like kissing an ashtray. Kissing led to touching and touching led to clothing being removed.

Then he went down and started doing what I loved. He knew my body well already and I was surprised when he told me what I liked what my body did when he did something I liked. He also told me what he had to do to eat me out right. It might seem as if I am putting him on a pedestal. And maybe I was doing in fact just that but at the same time this was a new feeling and since then emotion has not reoccurred.

Anyways moving away from the sentimental moments I remember him getting off of me and rummaging through his draws to draw out a condom. The box said for his and her pleasure and I couldnt help but feel touched. So he looked at me with glassy/dreamy eyes the type of look when you let pleasure takes over and he proceed to slip on the condom.

Then he lays down and tell me to get on top because it would be easier. So I oblige and I guide him into me.

It hurt like a bitch...and as I am recalling this and documenting that moment I cant help but laugh. How I complained and said I couldnt continue sorta in a Luan type voice.

Eventually I got the hang of things and realized what I have been missing. He isnt sweet, he keeps it real and tells me of course its going to hurt. Hes not serious either. Its hard to describe him. But I know that he doesnt upset me and at that moment I'm having fun.

Later when its all over he tells me how I made a mess and got my blood all over his thigh. This makes me laugh. He always knew how to easy the tension. I guess thats what happens when he acts likes a clown and calls you Sallerina.

He invites me to go to the store with this friend whom all this time was downstairs. I decline and I tell him I'm going to rest and take a nap.He leaves for a while and with the time I have I lay there and I start to think and recap everything that happened, how I felt. I'm overwhelmed and I had to tell someone. So I call my friend a kid that I used to have a thing with. I guess I call him because I told him earlier about my plans. Also possibly to make him jealous and make him feel like he lost something. Or to make myself feel better. To boost my own self esteem. There were many different reasons as to why I chose to call him.

Mark comes back a few hours later or so it seemed. Time was moving slow that day. Maybe it was because of the heat or because of my nerves. I hear him enter and I pretend I am asleep. I dont know if he knows that I am but he comes and spoons me and its nice and relaxing and I feel complete and satisfied and whole. I know that its temporary. We lay like that for a little bit and eventually he has to leave and I remember him telling me this earlier. But I could not help but feel a little abandon. He suggest that we do this again and I agree.

It ends with me leaving after having some tea. As I am about to leave his house trying hard to put on a cold demeanor, one of nonchalance. He says "give me a kiss" and sees me out the door.

Then I think to myself why did he have to do that. So I guess one can say I was under his influence. But not completely.

As I am driving home and wondering how the hell am I going to tell my best friends this. The events of the day continue to play in my head. Over and over.

In the future we would become friends with benefits. Well sorta.