Red

Days passed by and the weather was getting hotter. Mark and I would be in touch through texting and Facebook. We continued to express our sexual, physical attraction for one another and there were times when we would graze upon intellectual topics. Thinking back on that I really liked how intimate we were but I was slowly getting attached and I knew that it would hurt me in the end. If I took what we were doing as more then what it was, just physical attraction. But I pushed those thoughts aside and I tried to live in the moment. Because it was easier that way and way more fun. He told me "We could just have fun." That sentence could be taken in so many different ways.

Nevertheless, we arranged another time and date in which we could meet. However, leading up to the next "appointment" we started to talk about sex and from the get go he knew that I was a virgin. Boys are generally simple and do not plan ahead. So I cant say it was his plan all along to take my virginity but rather he just wanted to have fun.

I thought long and hard, for a week, about the idea of losing my virginity to him. I concluded that my virginity was something that I really didnt think was important or something that, if lost, was not that serious of a matter.

So the day came and I was nervous inside. He just made me nervous. He was always so relaxed and collected. When I entered his room he motioned for me to come over to this bed. His soft comfy futon bed low to the ground. Like a shy little girl I slowly moved my way over to him and sat down beside him. Mark did not waste anytime for next thing I knew we were kissing me. He never kissed with this tongue. I didnt know if it was because he had a tongue ring or because he didnt like too and I never remembered to ask. Those kisses were like little burst of pleasure and passion. He smoked so he had a smoker's breath, which I got used too and it never really bothered me. No, it was not like kissing an ashtray. Kissing led to touching and touching led to clothing being removed.

Then he went down and started doing what I loved. He knew my body well already and I was surprised when he told me what I liked what my body did when he did something I liked. He also told me what he had to do to eat me out right. It might seem as if I am putting him on a pedestal. And maybe I was doing in fact just that but at the same time this was a new feeling and since then emotion has not reoccurred.

Anyways moving away from the sentimental moments I remember him getting off of me and rummaging through his draws to draw out a condom. The box said for his and her pleasure and I couldnt help but feel touched. So he looked at me with glassy/dreamy eyes the type of look when you let pleasure takes over and he proceed to slip on the condom.

Then he lays down and tell me to get on top because it would be easier. So I oblige and I guide him into me.

It hurt like a bitch...and as I am recalling this and documenting that moment I cant help but laugh. How I complained and said I couldnt continue sorta in a Luan type voice.

Eventually I got the hang of things and realized what I have been missing. He isnt sweet, he keeps it real and tells me of course its going to hurt. Hes not serious either. Its hard to describe him. But I know that he doesnt upset me and at that moment I'm having fun.

Later when its all over he tells me how I made a mess and got my blood all over his thigh. This makes me laugh. He always knew how to easy the tension. I guess thats what happens when he acts likes a clown and calls you Sallerina.

He invites me to go to the store with this friend whom all this time was downstairs. I decline and I tell him I'm going to rest and take a nap.He leaves for a while and with the time I have I lay there and I start to think and recap everything that happened, how I felt. I'm overwhelmed and I had to tell someone. So I call my friend a kid that I used to have a thing with. I guess I call him because I told him earlier about my plans. Also possibly to make him jealous and make him feel like he lost something. Or to make myself feel better. To boost my own self esteem. There were many different reasons as to why I chose to call him.

Mark comes back a few hours later or so it seemed. Time was moving slow that day. Maybe it was because of the heat or because of my nerves. I hear him enter and I pretend I am asleep. I dont know if he knows that I am but he comes and spoons me and its nice and relaxing and I feel complete and satisfied and whole. I know that its temporary. We lay like that for a little bit and eventually he has to leave and I remember him telling me this earlier. But I could not help but feel a little abandon. He suggest that we do this again and I agree.

It ends with me leaving after having some tea. As I am about to leave his house trying hard to put on a cold demeanor, one of nonchalance. He says "give me a kiss" and sees me out the door.

Then I think to myself why did he have to do that. So I guess one can say I was under his influence. But not completely.

As I am driving home and wondering how the hell am I going to tell my best friends this. The events of the day continue to play in my head. Over and over.

In the future we would become friends with benefits. Well sorta.

Anticipation

A good place to start would be the story of when I lost my virginity. I lost it to a boy whom I knew for a year sorta,  he was gone for a whole semester. We kept in touch some what when he was in London. This happened over the summer of 2010.

But before I get into that story I need to give some background information. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 9 or 10 months and shortly after started to mess around with different boys.

One day after changing my Facebook status from "in a relationship" to "single" I got a Fb message from the guy, lets call him Mark, the guy whom I would lose my virginity too. In the message he invited me to hang out and to come over. Maybe I was naive or just giving the idea the benefit of a doubt because I honestly did not believe that anything would happen.

We set a date and I actually give him a ride home the day we were going to hang out. Now this made things less awkward and I felt more comfortable.

Inside his house its HOT as hell because the house does not have AC so while I'm sitting there on the black futon I am sweating! He offers me some tea. Reason being he came back to the states with a semi new habit of drinking tea with milk and rolling his own cigarettes. I honestly thought that it was cute like how all girls think some things boys do are cute. Even though apparently they don't like to be called cute. Anyways I also thought it refined him.

Back to the moment we were sitting there and watching futbol aka soccer and we were play fighting something that we always do in the presence of each other something that was flirty, innocent and filled with sexual tension. Looking back I not the type of girl to back down and it was always a lot of fun and I knew he never meant to really hurt me. But due to the weather it got to hot and it was time for him to smoke a cig. So we move to the smoke room aka the sex room. The room where he smoked so that the smoke would not fill the rest of the floor. Mark and I just popped a squat on the floor and tried our best to stay cool. It was very relaxing talking to life with a guy that I was attracted to someone that I had some feelings for. Enjoying the attention that he was giving me. Being naive to his plan.

Somehow in the mist of things he offered to give me a massage and I never turned down a massage and the massage that he gave me left so right! That massage is up there with the other top massages I have received. He was not shy and everything got touched. The pressure he applied was just right and he hit all the right spots. Looking back I wonder why I stopped fucking him.

After the massage I offered to give him one back and that somehow ended up in a tickling fest. Which lead us back onto the futon but this time the futon was made into a bed and we laid there breathing hard and laughing. Eventually fatigued was washing over me and I started to drift off and it was nice to have someone laying there with me. But not long after we moved back into the smoke room and we started an interesting conversation about our past relationships, our sex life (mine being nonexistent), and the topic of eating the box. Now the stereotype is that Spanish/Latinos/Hispanics/Mexicans generally find pleasure in eating the box. Which he confirmed. He went on to talk about how he like to eat a girl out and what the girls liked and obviously the whole time I had to make sure my legs were closed if you know what I'm getting at. Then he asked me if anyone ever ate me out and if it was good. So I thought about it before I answered him and told him that my ex did it well once but generally all the other times it was disappointing. He was surprised and then he got this look in his eyes as if he was on a mission. At the back of my head I knew he was going to ask  the question and I was right and he did ask. He offered to eat me out because he would do me right. Now I was very tempted.

But I said no because I didnt trust myself and because my period had just ended but you know when you still wear a pad to be safe. Well I had a pad on.

Now Mark is a thick head guy like most of them and he does not back down from a challenge. So he took action in his own hands and he picked me up bridal style. I was surprised he was able to do that. He was making his way to his room and right before we went through the threshold which now I believe is symbolic. He said:

Sally kiss me.

So at that point I could have done two things one kiss him and pass through the threshold or fight him and tell him to put me down.

But from the title of this you know which one I picked.

I kissed him and it was all over from there. He laid me down on his bed which was not really a bed but rather one of those futon mats that you put on top of your mattress. Surprisingly it was really comfortable.

So I'm laying there and he goes down and my shorts start to come off and then my panties.

Next thing you know hes doing work and honestly it was amazing. That moment was amazing maybe because  I felt comfortable with him and I was relaxed and I did not give a shit. I loved the attention my body got and the attention my spiritual being got.

Maybe that is the reason for which I was never able to let that moment go.

Everything that is good has to come to an end like Momma said.

So it got late and I had a date with my cousin for dinner. I told him that I needed to go and he would not let me go. He physically was holding me down so I would stay and saying "I'm not going to let you go." "Don't go." And in my being I did not want to go. Because I was having fun and I didnt want the moment to end.

He was never the forceful type. He went with the flow often. But when he wasn't high or drunk he made a lot of sense and he had ambitions.

Eventually I would lose my virginity to him.